one month in a minute

a lot has happened in the last month.  i am extensively planning for our move.  i can’t believe that in less than two months, i will be in a totally new country!  i am excited and scared at the same time.  what if i don’t get a job?  i also am starting up my own design company.  i plan to do some graphic design, layouts, logos, more on branding and event management as well.  it sounds so big but really right now it is so micro or like how they say it now, nano?  anyway, i will have one client for now and that’s it.  i am excited and scared about that also since i don’t know if that will be successful.  for the past few weeks i’ve been so tense and stressed out.  i hope that i can soon relax and just take it easy.  but of course, that would be the opposite of what’s coming.  all i can do is try my best and accomplish as much as i can. 

stranger

tonight i am in a strange place
i am lost
i am nobody

tonight i heard her voice
i feel at home
i feel like myself

tonight that doesn’t sound so great
i am alone
i am myself

tonight i don’t give much care
i feel it hurt
i feel the burst

emotionally lazy

these past few days, i haven’t been feeling strongly about anything.  it’s like i’m emotionally lazy.  i just let things be the way they are and i don’t care much.  the only thing i am worried about right now is my husband being miles away, renting a flat together with his co-worker who is a single woman.  just the picture of him with her having her arms around him really pisses me off.  i know for him it means nothing but you never know.  i totally trust him but i don’t trust the people around him.  the thing is, i haven’t met those people and to me they are just names.  i guess i’m not so emotionally lazy after all.  tell me if i’m being paranoid, he is always reassuring and sometimes i feel embarrassed when i think something of these small things and he tells me how proud he is of our babies.  i know it is normal to feel these.  i don’t know why i still don’t give him my full trust.  i am just hurting myself by thinking about these things which may or may not be happening.  paranoia can really get to me sometimes.

avast!

i must be bored or just being lazy.  i am currently getting addicted to this online rpg pirate quest.  i should be reading these ebooks i downloaded but instead i am wasting my time reloading the page of a browser. 

passion

passion, i think this is what i lack.  i have a lot of interests but never really the passion for any of them.  i realize that this is what i need in order to be good at something.  i don’t know if i am lazy or if i just don’t have the time to research.